Self-validation is not about being right nor about trying to “prove” that another person is wrong. Self-validation is about standing up for your truth and validating your experience.
It is about advocating for your feelings and supporting your inner child.
Attempting to be right is a heavy weight to carry. It means that there is no room for any other opinion but yours. This may be a substantial burden to bear. However, advocating for your perspective while giving room for other opposing opinions to exist, is a completely different matter.
Self-validation is about validating your inner worthiness and your truth, while accepting that we are all separate individuals with different views of life, different values and different shaming messages that affect our doings and actions.
You may disagree and disapprove with another person’s behavior and values, yet, you can be aware that there are diverse perceptions and that other people may see matters in a completely different way than you. Your aim is not to be right; your aim is to stand up for your truth.
Self-validation is not about putting others down nor judging them in order to elevate your views. It is about loving who you are from the core, adhering to your feelings without the need to be right by others, without the need to make the other person flawed nor to punish him.
You don't need to agree with an unkind behavior nor to allow it. Nevertheless, you can accept that various people may have another point of view that is incompatible with yours and a belief system that can be foreign to you.
Listening to and understanding an opposing perspective, doesn’t mean that you consent to it. It only means that you are at peace with your inner being. As a consequence, when you tackle an opinion or a behavior that clashes with yours, it won't destabilize you nor leave you charged and upset.
Self-validation is about accepting our human flaws and weaknesses, it is about making peace with our own shame. Only then, we can let go of how we expect people to behave and we may begin to accept where others are in their journey on earth.
Righteousness on the other hand, is about always being right, needing everyone to validate your truth, having no tolerance to opinions that differ from yours and judging who ever disagrees with you.
We judge others when we don't feel good enough about ourselves. We tend to cope with our inner pain by throwing blame at others. We usually judge in areas where we are most susceptible to shame. The judge in us is a strong energy that comes from the ego. It needs to criticize others in order to show that they are the ones at fault. This pattern of behavior gives us a false sense of okayness as we attempt to elevate ourselves by putting someone else down.
However, when we love and feel loved, we usually don't feel the need to sit in judgment, waiting for others to change their behavior in order to satisfy us.
Life is not about right nor wrong, yes or no, white verses black. We are here to love what is, to hug our journey, accept and respect where we are at the present moment, with no judgement of where we should be and shouldn't be in the process of self-growth.
Using a Biotensor or Pendulum can help you find and release your negative feelings by EFT tapping or Master tapping.
Galia Azori, Toronto, Canada